The Bold Soul: A Writer's Life in Paris

So bad it's delicious

It often happens that I will be in some restaurant in France where the French menu has been translated into English - badly. Sometimes, it's so bad I want to laugh - and then hand the owner my business card with an offer to fix it (for a price, of course). I keep thinking there must be some sort of a side business I could build here, just around bad translations of menus; but then I figure that if the restaurant owners are already too cheap to pay for proprer translations in the first place, they probably wouldn't take kindly to the criticism of being told they have completely screwed up their English-language menu. So, I just continue to laugh to myself... and say nothing to the waiter. This is what I saw yesterday, in a restaurant on the Ile Saint Louis. So the Quiche Lorraine is... a quiche lorraine. Well, that sure clears THAT up. Then there is the salade des crudités, which is actually just a plate of raw vegetables (carrots, radishes, etc.) - translated as "the salad of crudenesses of the season". BWAH-HA-HA! "Crudenesses"? Did they run that by Google Translate or something? That's not even a... Read more →

Tourists in Love: You're killing Paris. Please stop it.

You're coming to Paris, and you're in love. We know you want to create memories. But do you have to kill the bridges, the views and the river in the process? Stop the madness! Read more →

Be afraid, François; be VERY afraid

"Don't get mad. Get EVERYTHING." - Ivana Trump in The First Wives' Club. If I were Hollande, I'd be wetting myself right about now. Read more →

Because it wouldn't be Christmas without them

I don't know why I was surprised. By now, I should be used to seeing things about life in France that just don't make one bit of sense to me. Read more →

How you gonna keep 'em down on the farm

There's a shop across from the Luxembourg Gardens, just near Boulevard Saint Michel, that sells things for a garden or terrace. Seems they're starting to compete with the bigger (and more outrageous) shops along the river that sell enormous faux animals like alligators and pandas (although why you'd want a giant artificial alligator or panda on your Paris terrace -- or anywhere else -- is beyond me!) These little lambs and bunnies seem harmless enough, though. And see the little baby chicks in the background? Perhaps the shopkeepers are trying to help Parisians feel like they're "down on the farm" this summer? These ducks carved from wood were actually sort of charming. Perhaps for the weekend place in the French countryside? But THIS? This giant (nearly as tall as me) green polka-dotted rabbit? Would only make me think I'd had one too many cocktails. By the way, I decided to spare you all the hot pink plastic bulldog... posed in mid-leg-lift. And no, I'm not even kidding about that. Like I'd need another reminder that people around here don't pick up after their dogs? Read more →

Asterisk? Seriously?

Once again proving the utter stupidity of some parents, and why bad child naming should be considered a form of child abuse: this story from New Zealand. Kids get teased for even relatively "normal" names. I myself had to endure a childhood of torture with "Huff and Puff" and "H.R. HUFF-n-stuf", and even "Lisa-Pizza" (the boy who came up with that one wasn't exactly in the gifted and talented program). Imagine if you named your kid "*". What would the other kids call him? "Hey, ASS-terisk!" And if you named your kid "Messiah", he'd spend his life doing a Monty Python's Life of Brian impression: "I'm NOT the bloody Messiah!" And what kind of sicko would name their kid "Anal"? Are these parents on drugs or something? I still think Gwyneth Paltrow had to have been half in the bag when she named her daughter "Apple". And Frank Zappa named his kids Dweezel and Moon Unity -- and we know all about Frank, right? I'm just saying. Read more →

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see... oops

It has been some time since I read something stupid enough* to snag a mention in my What were they thinking? category, but after more than 18 months (the last one was here) we finally have a winner. Teen shoots himself in the crotch and blames it on... are you ready? NINJAS. Yes, you read that right: NINJAS. The stupidity, I think, speaks for itself here. Turns out he was riding in a car with a bunch of GIRLS, showing off ahem, playing with his gun (and if THAT isn't a metaphor for something), and it went off. Guns in the hands of crazy people, angry people and people looking for trouble is bad enough. But someone THIS stupid? He deserves what he got. *The IKEA meatball/horsemeat scandal that I posted about just last month was stupid, but a very different KIND of stupid. Read more →

You know it's serious when Ikea stops selling meatballs

Possibly you've been following the Great European Horsemeat-disguised-as-Beef Scandal of 2013? If you haven't, let me get you up to speed. People in some countries (France among them) do voluntarily eat horsemeat. To those of us from countries where this is simply not "done", I know it may seem wrong that people are choosing to consume horsemeat instead of something more "usual" like beef, pork, lamb or chicken, but for the purposes of this story let's just agree that people eat a lot of odd things in different parts of the world -- including bugs, snakes and monkeys -- so we're not here to judge. So, yes, in France, some people do choose to eat horsemeat, and it's not a secret. In fact, you can go to certain butchers who advertise that they sell horsemeat along with all the other meats: Not a horse hotel but a butcher selling both beef AND horsemeat, Rue de Poteau, Paris 18ème The scandal has erupted all over Europe, not because horsemeat is bad for you or because someone was selling tainted horsemeat (I take that second part back; in the midst of all this someone DID sell horsemeat tainted with a horse drug... Read more →

Dangerous rain gear

I saw this hat in a shop window in the Marais recently. And all I could think was, if I saw someone wearing that hat, I would have no choice but to start poking her in the head, trying to pop the bubble wrap! Can you imagine, total strangers trying to "pop" your rain hat? Who's bright idea was this, anyway? Read more →

Goodnight, Irene

So, Irene is behind us here in New Jersey, although there is plenty of devestation left in her wake. In these parts, it's river flooding we have to worry about. At the homes of both my mom and sister, which are up on hills, flooding isn't any sort of issue, but in terms of getting places you need to go, you pretty much have to cross a river sooner or later. The nearest river here is the Musconetcong River (named after an Indian tribe that once lived here; there are several such names around norther NJ: Hopatcong, Netcong, Lopatcong). And it flooded like we have never seen in the 50 years our family has lived here. We went out yesterday to gawk at the flooding and to see which roads were blocked off, and this is what we found. (If you're on my Facebook or Twitter feeds, you might have seen these already.) First, we heard that water was flowing OVER a small bridge next to my local bank. Do I need to say it? Apparently so: it's SO STUPID to try and cross a flooded bridge or roadway in a car! The cops block off these roads for a... Read more →