The Bold Soul: A Writer's Life in Paris

Slow lane

When my doctors told me I would have to have major abdominal surgery, they warned me that the recovery would be very slow. Any of you who have had abdominal surgery know first-hand that this is true. I asked the doctors for an estimate of how long it might take, assuming of course no complications would take place, and they said about a month after leaving the hospital I would probably start to feel a whole lot better, though probably not 100% back to my usual self. I think I've been in France too long because I seem to have adopted the snail's pace on the healing track. My surgery was December 18th. Today is January 9th. That's 23 days, a week short of a month. And I'm still spending 98% of my time lying down. I thought that by now, I'd have built up enough stamina to at least be able to walk across the street to the Franprix market and pick up a few groceries, or walk to the end of the street to the pharmacy. I didn't expect I'd be hopping buses or the metro all over town, or that I'd be up to having dinner out... Read more →

A Healing New Year

It's been a very quiet, lazy week for me and my sweetie, with my 3x/day blood thinner injections done by the home nurse, and basically just resting and letting my poor abused body heal. (One "plus" - I've dropped nearly 30lbs since this started, on top of the 20 I lost deliberately over a 6-month period earlier in the year, and now at 50 lbs lighter I barely recognize myself. I haven't been at this weight since 1996! My older stepson says I'm "fondue" -- melting!) I was frustrated on Monday at a doctor checkup to learn I'd have to do the 3x/day shots until probably January 5th (plus bloodwork twice weekly). I knew intellectually this would be a long, slow process, and having a blood clot just complicates matters, so I was in a pretty bad mood that day. I had at least been hoping to taper off to 2 or even 1 daily injection because I am now also starting the transition to blood thinner pills, but I guess this is a tricky medication to get just right. I am just sick of feeling like a fricking pincushion. Then there are my weakened abs - the scar extends... Read more →

Code word: "Ralphie!"

Things you don't realize will happen in the immediate aftermath of major abdominal surgery: Whenever you lie down, you will be trapped like a beetle on its back. You can't roll to one side or the other (too painful) to push yourself up, and obviously sitting straight up is an impossibility. Hospital beds make it easier because you can elevate yourself part of the way up, and there are side railings to grab onto. But at home, with a normal bed? Yeah, not so simple. You need help just to get up. If Georges weren't around all day (and all night) long to help me get up out of bed or off the couch when I'm lying down, the latter part of this clip is what I would look like (minus the 27 layers of winter clothing): Our new code word, when I need help, is simply: "Ralphie". That pretty much says it all. At least I CAN put my arms down. Read more →

The best Christmas gift ever

Today I got my best Christmas gift ever: I'm home from the hospital, safe and warm and comfortable (with clean hair!) with my darling Georges, and the worst part of my kidney cancer saga -- the surgery -- is behind us. To be clear: I still have pain in my abdomen. I'm limited in my strength and movement. I had to ask Georges to help me put on the compression socks I have to wear for a month, and to do a lot of other things (like just sitting up or lying down in bed) that I can't do for myself yet. That's frustrating for me but Georges is so happy and willing to do anything and everything for my comfort that I shouldn't complain. I found out only this morning that I have to continue injections of a blood thinner until the end of the month when I will switch to pills -- but they sprung this on us last minute and it has meant Georges being on the phone all day, scrambling to find a home nursing service who can handle the 3x/day schedule. (One strike against socialized medicine: sometimes they lack good organization and communication.) We came... Read more →

This Christmas bulletin just in

I am getting out of the hospital tomorrow, December 24th!!! Santa must have decided I was an extra good girl this year. Thanks Santa! Read more →

Keeping it brief

Surgery was Thursday. I made it! It went even better than they had expected, good to hear. Spent whole night in recovery room, NOT a restful place to recover. Back in my room since yesterday. Can't do freaking much of anything. Every movement, cough or deep breath is agony due to super long scar that goes across entire upper abdomen. Also severe back pain and spasms triggered by the type of OR table used. They think they're getting me out of this bed and into a chair today; I think they're nuts. I can drink liquids only for the moment. They seem very concerned about am I farting or not, as a litmus test of when I can start eating solids. So many doctors and nurses I have given up trying to remember names. Food here sucks. But I can't eat it anyway. I win. Read more →

Need a little Christmas NOW

Today I was feeling pretty good, no pain at all and feeling less tired than in recent days, so today we put up our little Christmas tree. It's the first time since I moved to France that I was able to use a lot of my own ornaments that I brought over last year from back home. I have a lot more still stored in NJ but they're all the really fragile ones and will have to be carefully packed and shipped at a future date. But it made me really happy to see familiar ornaments on our tree -- including one very tiny red glass ornament with blobs of old glitter, circa 1961. It was from my first Christmas tree and the only one that survived. It's nice to see the tree up now, and it will really cheer me when I come home and it's already here to greet me. I had a nice long Skype chat with my family which will be the last opportunity to video chat with them until I'm home (unless by some miracle this hospital has WiFi), and that did me a world of good, too. My sister decorates her home so beautifully... Read more →

The compassion of a child

Thank you all so much for the outpouring of support and affection after my announcement about having kidney cancer and my upcoming surgery. The date is now set for Thursday, December 18th and I'll be in the hospital from Tuesday the 16th. I could be in from 8 to 12 days in total, depending on how things go afterward. (Based on my gall bladder operation I think I'm a slow healer.) I'm relieved that they're doing the surgery sooner rather than later, even it it may possibly mean I spend part or all of Christmas recuperating in the hospital (because they won't kick me out until I'm really ready). And I have an amazing team of surgeons lined up, so everything is perfect and in place. The sooner the better to just get it over with and move onto whatever is next afterward. Your messages of support have warmed and cheered me to no end. This morning I received one in particular that I just had to share with you: it was an email from my friend "C" whom I have known longer than any other friend in my life and even longer than my own sister; she and I... Read more →

Not a symphony at all

In my 8 years living in France and writing about it, about the cultural differences, how much I hate the dog poo on the sidewalks, the many fun things to do, falling in love and integrating into a French family, the food and the wine, the frustrations with the bureaucracy and even becoming a French citizen, there is one sentence I never, ever expected to have to write on this blog. I have kidney cancer. I'll pause for a moment to let you catch your breath. I've known this since just before Thanksgiving, and I'm still catching mine. ... OK then. Let's all exhale together. What seemed at first to be a whopper of a kidney stone attack nearly three weeks ago has turned out to be something much bigger and more serious. There's a tumor on my right kidney (there is also a nice big stone in there for good measure). And it's the tumor which started the internal bleeding which caused all the pain and put me in the hospital for a week. The great news is, my left kidney is in perfect shape and should serve me well for the rest of my life, and I feel... Read more →