The Bold Soul: A Writer's Life in Paris

Don't hold your breath, girls

I read an article on CNN.com today that was cross-posted from Oprah.com. It was written by Martha Beck, Oprah's current resident life coach and author of a number of books, on the topic of "How (not) to get a man". Having done all the wrong things myself for over 30 years of my dating lifespan, I was curious about what Beck's take on this would be. Beck holds the "Rules" (yes, I'm linking to it but I wouldn't recommend it) and similar other manipulative dating strategies up to severe scrutiny, and I'm rather glad she did. Because they definitely do NOT work. Forget what your momma told you: "Play hard to get, keep him dangling"; "Don't act smarter than he is"; "Don't eat a lot at dinner, he'll think you're going to get fat"; "Don't sleep with him on the first few dates" (although in fairness, that one often makes good sense). Also, forget "perfect", if "perfect" means "without flaws of any kind". If you are looking for a guy who is a GQ model, making $250K a year, driving a silver Mercedes convertible, who never belches, farts or forgets to put the seat down, you're going to be alone.... Read more →

Overwhelmed

In the past when I have been in a relationship, one of two things has happened: Either (a) the new man in my life would be emotionally distant, unpredictable in his affections (except when sex was on his agenda), and inconsistent in his attentions outside of the bedroom. Or (b) he would be not quite so distant, rather affectionate (and even more so, when sex was on the menu) and fairly consistent in his attentions to me outside of bed, which meant he would actually have a conversation with me as long as the game wasn't on. I know what you're thinking: that I wasn't doing a particularly good job of picking the right guys. And you'd be right. I have had a track record of being with men who were always unavailable to me in one way or another, the kind of guys whose behavior -- while never abusive in any way and not even horrible by most people's standards -- would push every button to trigger my baser insecurities and deep-seated abandonment issues (yeah, I've read all the self-help books and done the therapy, so I know the big words). And whenever I would get the feeling the... Read more →

Endings and Beginnings

Today I realized, as I was sifting through ideas for upcoming blog posts, that I've been posting about my new love, Georges, (a.k.a. My Parisian -- yes, he DOES have a real name... Take a bow, mon coeur; you've been "outed") under the category "40+ and Still Single". It now feels completely wrong to do that. While I am still over 40, I am no longer "still single". We are both hooked... "trapped" in the very best sense of the word. Off the market. Together, even while apart. Life has been forever altered, in the best way imaginable. Les jeux sont faits. So it is with amusement (not sadness) that I bid au revoir to my former single self, wave her cheerfully off into the sunset, and effectively retire this blog category. Oh, I may still post in it from time to time... reflections on the past, or posts about single life in general. But now is a time for new beginnings, turning the page, a new chapter. And a new category to match. L'Amour: Ça Existe après 40. Love: It does exist after 40. Read more →

The Franglais Connection

My French has been improving rapidly already since meeting Mon Parisian. For one thing, this is the most consistent daily contact I have had with a French-speaking person since moving to Paris, and I'm so relaxed around him that I'm not so embarrassed to make faux pas around him. So that is part of it. The other part is, he's really great about helping me and even correcting me in a way that does NOT cause me to want to hit him over the head with my Larousse Advanced (that's the big HEAVY dictionary, the one that would really leave a mark). Our conversations, both verbal and online, have taken on a Franglais-ish quality, especially on my part because I have further to travel to the point of fluency, but I'm making more of an effort to speak in more complete sentences or at least phrases, to use the correct accent marks when writing (even though it means extra keystrokes for me with my American keyboard), and even to try and correct myself when I catch my own mistakes. And I find myself thinking more in French, and even talking to myself in French more often. Tonight, we were both... Read more →

One Week

A week ago today, I didn't know it at the time, but I was meeting a man who is unlike any man I have ever met before. And I do not exaggerate. I stepped off the #89 Paris city bus, found myself looking into the eyes of a man I had never met, and sensing instant mutual recognition. Five minutes later, I was being kissed by someone who was technically a stranger, but someone who I felt I'd already known my whole life, even before we had officially met. Hours later, we were still together, discovering each other, unwilling to be apart. We weren't thinking "love" then, but whatever it was, we were both willing to ride the wave. At the time, all I could do was marvel at how strange it should feel, but didn't, to be having that kind experience. And it wasn't just about being swept away by physical chemistry (although that was definitely there, right from the start). There was complete mental, intellectual and emotional compatibility, too. "Wow" was all I could think. My brain went into auto-pilot. I was fully aware of where I was, and what I was doing, and it all felt perfectly... Read more →

I Heart Paris

It is 5:55 am Paris time as I begin to write this. I have been awake for over two and a half hours. I woke up thinking, again, about My Parisian. Happy, so happy. Can't stop smiling. Isn't it nauseating, when people are newly into a romance? I always thought so. Yet here I am again, after a very long Romance Hiatus, and I find myself BEING one of Those People. The ones who make you sick with those stupid grins on their faces. The ones who kiss passionately in public places (like, get a room already, will you?) The ones who want to ramble on and on about the person they've met, until you want to smack them upside the head and say "Get over it, already!" Nah... don't expect me to apologize for it. I'm too damn happy to care what anyone thinks. I felt compelled to get up at around 3:30 am, get the computer, and re-read some of the text of our on-line conversations again. Then I felt compelled to write, to have an outlet for the tumult of emotions that I am experiencing right now. Because these precious words shared between us, when we are... Read more →

Clues

Being with My Parisian has been a remarkable experience in more ways than I have words to describe right now. But one thing I have immediately noticed is a marked contrast between how My Parisian treats me, and how other men may have treated me in the past, in terms of letting me know he is really "into me". There are always subtle and not-so-subtle clues that a man will drop, to let a woman know how into her he really is. The authors of He's Just Not That Into You will tell you that there ARE no "mixed messages" in relationships, as we women are wont to believe (and make endless excuses for), but sometimes we girls are not so quick to make the distinction because we are too busy chasing after these losers who are not treating us the way we deserve. So, as a public service, in case you are someone who is struggling with "is he, or is he not, INTO me?", here are some real-life examples, from my real life, to help you distinguish the difference. "Not into you" looks a lot like this: doesn't remember things you say isn't interested in who you are;... Read more →

At the speed of light

I am sitting here, reflecting on my lunch date yesterday. Wondering why I never noticed before that the Jardin de Luxembourg is such a terribly romantic place to be on a Tuesday afternoon. I have just upgraded this garden to my favorite romantic spot in Paris. There is nothing like a garden in Paris, on a nice cool October day, to make you want to walk with someone special, holding hands, even sitting together on a bench... doing what Parisian couples tend to do on Parisian park benches in Parisian parks. Sort of makes one wonder how the Senators at the Senat building (also in the park) get any work done at all, if they are distracted when looking out of the windows with all the kissing taking place under their very noses. And yes, we did have lunch. At the restaurant in the park. Outside. Romantic white-clothed table for two. Wine... birds. We ate... something... I don't remember what. Neither does he. Too busy just being together, talking. Gazing. He is very French, every bit the well-dressed, well-educated Parisian and yet in some ways not. Sense of humor, for one thing -- he's definitely got one! I am relieved... Read more →

Word Playmate

When you're single, trying to meet someone new and compatible is always a challenge. It's the "compatible" part that is difficult. One can meet hordes of highly incompatible people, but finding those rare souls with whom you might actually "click" is, well, rare. Which is why, when you think you maybe, just possibly, might have met one of those rarities, it's both exciting and unnerving. Especially when you haven't met yet in person, but when your "meeting" has been confined to the on-line medium. And when you are on the cusp of actually meeting him face to face, in less than 24 hours. I've done on-line dating, off and on (more off than on, probably), for the past decade or longer. I've had lots of failures or false starts at it, and I have my share of funny "war stories" from the trenches of internet dating. I've also had a few successes as well, including my most serious relationship to date. I have friends who have met their husbands or wives on-line. I know it can work. I no longer find it odd or feel the need to hide the fact that this is primarily how I am meeting men.... Read more →

The Brothers Grimy

When we last left the leading lady of "As the Bold Soul Turns", she had discovered that the brother of the GARDENER, an UNEMPLOYED ARTIST who had phoned to say he was interested in meeting her, secretly had a girlfriend! She had relayed to the GARDENER her disgust and displeasure at this discovery, and then promptly put it out of her mind while she crossed an ocean to deal with a family situation. Now, having returned to Paris, our heroine wonders if the ARTIST will call or if his brother has already told him he's been "outed" as being a cheating S.O.B. She doesn't have long to wait. Join us as we see what happens next in the (anti-)climactic conclusion. 1:50 pm. Cell phone rings. BOLD SOUL look at the display, doesn't recognize the "06" cell number. Suspects it is the ARTIST brother. Ignores the call. Compares that number to the number of the ARTIST from when he called last month (caller ID is so handy, isn't it?) Yes, it's him. Not planning to speak to him at all. He leaves no message. 6:30 pm. Cell phone rings again. It's the ARTIST again. BOLD SOUL still not answering the phone... Read more →