So, if you're writing a blog or reading other people's blogs, chances are you are also involved in social networking on some level, via Twitter, Facebook or some other platform, and possibly more than one. Everyone has their own reasons for doing social networking: professional networking; business marketing; gaming; or just staying in touch with old friends and former colleagues. Maybe it's all of those at the same time.
With all the social networking going on, it's very easy to get sucked into it and end up spending hours in your day slogging through everyone's daily updates, isn't it? I'm sure you've already been experiencing this. For me, I'm starting to feel so innundated that I'm looking for ways to short-cut the process, to stay current with the people that matter most to me while spending less time doing it.
But this then leads me to what I see as a 21st-century social etiquette dilemma: What do you do when one of your Twitter or Facebook friends is a chronic "over-poster"?
This is what social networking is "supposed to" be:
Awww. Cute, huh?
Yet this is what is seems to have become:
And worse yet, it could be like this:
Where do we draw the line?
We all have days when we might have a lot of news going on that we feel compelled to share with our on-line network, and maybe some days we might go a bit overboard. I'm not talking about those occasional bouts of over-posting; I'm talking about someone who seems to have what I call "C.S.N.D.": chronic social networking diarrhea. You know: where it just keeps flowing and you can't stop it. The compulsive over-poster is someone who -- while they may be the most lovable, fun and charming person in real life -- once you let them loose on-line, feels the compulsion to spend their days retweeting or sharing stories from the news, funny comics or cute kitty photos, endless YouTube videos, or even the blow-by-blow account of every minute detail of their entire day: how they found a grey hair there, or what color was their baby's poopy diaper that day. And it isn't just once in a while with these over-posters, it's EVERY DAY, ALL DAY LONG.
I'm pretty careful about how I social network. On Twitter, I only follow people I know personally or well-known people or causes I find interesting; the reason I don't automatically follow-back my own followers isn't because I'm stuck-up, it's because I use Twitter to keep up with people I know. On Facebook, I have separated my personal "friends" account from my professional "page" as a writer/author so that I can maintain some level of privacy while still keeping in contact with people on both sides of my life. And as far as posting, while I may post the odd "Hey how is everyone today?" (like I did this morning) or something silly or inane, or when I find something really interesting (news article, image or video) I will share it, I do try and keep my posts to a reasonable level. I play a couple of Facebook games which do put posts on my wall, but at least with that, for my friends who DON'T want to see the gaming posts, they can block those while still receiving my other posts. I may have days where I post too much (certainly I have days where my blog posts are probably too long -- this may even become one of those), but I do try to be conscious of the value of other people's time when I'm writing something.
But what do you do when you've got someone posting SO much stuff that most of your social networking time is spent scrolling past all their extra drivel so you can find out what's happening with your other friends? I get so tired of doing this, yet the person or persons in question are people I don't want to delete from my network. I don't know why some people over-post; perhaps it's that they don't have enough going on in their day or they are using social networking as a substitute for an in-person social life, or maybe they really just ARE super-social and they think they're doing all of us a favor by sharing 5 or 10 music videos and links to cool sites every day? I've given up trying to figure out WHY people over-post: I just wish they would be more aware that when they post something, everyone in their network has to see it AND we also have several hundred OTHER friends who are posting, and there are only so many hours in the day to keep up! Maybe we need to stop using our Twitter feeds and Facebook walls as a substitute for actual conversations? Where if you were having a drink with a friend, you might say, "Hey, I found the greatest music video today, I think you'd love it, can I send you the link?" -- instead of just PUSHING that video out into the ether-net whether we want to see it or not. With blogging, people have to be proactive and make the decision to go and read that blog; with social networking, we're pushing (and in some cases BLASTING) our every opinion, thought or bit of information to everyone in our network, but do we ever stop to think about whether they even CARE? What's the etiquette for all this?
As it turns out, Emily Post (the famous doyenne of etiquette, born in 1872, who is now long dead but her legacy continues through her great-grandaughter-in-law Peggy Post) has a web site. Her book is now in it's 18th edition, and I'm sure it's light years away from the copy my mother bought in 1958 when she was planning her wedding and wanted to know how to set the table properly for formal dinner parties. The new edition claims to tackle contemporary etiquette issues having to do with technology, such as "When is it OK to 'unfriend' someone on Facebook?" -- but of course the web site doesn't give away all the answers, you'd have to buy the book (at $39.99).
Since I can't get a quick and straight answer out of Emily Post's ghost, my question to all of you is: what would YOU do with such a person in your social (networking) life?
- Do you tell them they're over-doing it a little (or a lot?)
- Do you delete them without telling them (even if it's someone you actually know vs some stranger you decided to "friend" for whatever reason)?
- Some other option?
I'm really interested in opening up a dialogue on this, first because I'm looking for ideas about what to do, and second because I think it's an interesting social topic.
For the moment, I haven't yet decided what, if anything, I want to do about the small number of my social networking friends who just don't seem to know when enough is enough. (And if I'm making you all paranoid that I'm talking about YOU, the odds are very good that I'm NOT, so don't worry about it). I'm not ready to un-friend the people in question, for various reasons. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
I just don't want to spend an extra 1-2 hours a day going through my messages where I can't even FIND the stuff that really interests me (like my niece having posted something about her acting career, for example) because it's buried in the midst of too many other things that simply do NOT apply to me at all.
If "good manners" means being considerate of others and mindful of your impact on them, then maybe a part of what constitutes "good social media etiquette" is about being mindful and considerate of other people's valuable time when using the technology. Such as NOT assuming your entire circle of friends and acquaintances needs to know every nuance of your life or every single thing you find interesting online.
OK, your turn: what do you think? What would you do? Have you had to deal with this already, and if so how did you handle it?
