Georges remarked this evening that I hadn't posted anything on the blog today (he checks daily, being my biggest fan and all that), and I replied "Yes, I know, but I guess I didn't have anything good to say". Then I went and posted the photo of the cafe terrace with the pretty blankets, because I DO like to try and post something as often as I can, even if I don't have the time or inspiration to write.
The truth is, I was not much in the mood to write anything Bold Soul-ish today. I'm not in a bold mood, not at all. Georges is going on a business trip for nearly six days, starting tomorrow afternoon, and I'm just dreading his absence. Like I always do. So as the trip has gotten closer and closer, I've felt moodier and moodier. Which is pretty much par for the course when he travels for work. I know he has to do it. I know people travel on business all the time; hell, I used to be one of 'em when I worked in the corporate world. I can be a grown-up about it.
But I don't WANT to be a grown-up about it. (Insert childish whiny tone of voice here.) I'm sad.
I just prefer it when he's around (although "prefer" is kind of a mild choice of words considering how much I totally love and adore my husband). I'm much happier when I know I will see him every morning and every evening, and fall asleep curled up next to him every night. I'm at my best when he's around. It's more fun. It's more interesting. It's more BETTER. (Yes, I know that's really horrible grammar but I don't give a shit. I'm too busy being a big baby right now.)
When he's gone, of course I will have things to do. I have a child to look after for a few of the days, and I'm happy for that. I might see the older son as well, especially if I bribe him with an offer of a free dinner one night. I may see some friends. I will probably go to the movies or a museum. I have a whole city I can explore. And I have a book to write.
It's not that I won't be busy. It's not that I don't know how to have fun on my own (I spent 45 years doing that before I met him).
And it's not that I don't understand that this is his job, the job that pays for our life and a job he actually LIKES. I'm grateful for that, very grateful. And fortunately the trips aren't frequent; it's not like he's gone every week or even every month. So it could be worse.
I just wish... I wish they didn't make him take his weekend time for these things. That's OUR time, not company time. And I wish this one wasn't so long; 5 nights and 6 days is long, but then he is going all the way to Cameroon. (Oh, and to Romania the week after, but only for 2 days.)
We're just one of those couples that really loves being together. We're very close, and we enjoy each other's company, we thrive on each other's physical presence. Like right now? I'm over here on the couch tapping out this blog post, and Georges is watching a football match on TV across the room. We're each doing our own thing. But we're IN the same room, and that matters.
So... I'm just in a crap mood today, my friends. And I won't be in a really great mood again until he comes home again.
Because I know he's leaving tomorrow and it just sucks. There it is. I can deal with it, but I don't have to LIKE it.
