So I'm sitting here, laptop on lap, minding my own business, relaxing for a few quiet moments after the doctor just left (yes, you can get a doctor to come to your HOUSE for just 45 euros. Try THAT in America. He even spoke some English). I woke up this morning (second morning in a row) with a swollen right hand that also felt stiff and achy, and the swollen feeling seemed to be spreading up my right arm, and being the closet hypochondriac that I am, of course my imagination jumps right to a worst case scenario and I think maybe I'm having a stroke or something. Turns out it seems to be a pinched nerve either in the wrist or possibly up in my neck, and I need to go for some massage treatments and therapy; wouldn't be the first time I've had pinched nerves, and I'll take that diagnosis over "imminent death" anyway.
So like I said, I'm just relaxing and playing games on Facebook working on a client's manuscript when it happens. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a movement. In the kitchen. Where nothing whatsoever should be moving. At the foot of the dishwasher. The same dishwasher where, only last night, a small mouse made its escape from our stupid, useless cat and the broom Georges was using to try and herd it out the door while also trying not to step on it.
And there it was, the world's smallest terrorist. I hate mice. Hate hate hate them. MOUSE! In my HOUSE! AGAIN! As I instinctively scream for the cat, who is ignoring me as she sleeps on our bed (Why, God, WHY do I bother? It's not like she's a dog who will "fetch" on command) the mouse of course turns right around and bolts for his safe haven again. Shit.
Once a mouse gets under that damn dishwasher, there's no hope of catching it. And now that he knows I'm on to him, he's not coming out again any time soon. And clearly this cat is not going to take care of it; this is the second or third time in three days she's caught a mouse, brought it inside, and let it get away from her.
We have a house full of guests staying tonight. I have a dinner to cook and a teleseminar to conduct at 10pm. And I just had the morning from hell waiting to find out about my arm. I don't have time for these cat and mouse games.
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Several hours later...
So we're sitting around the kitchen table, we and our houseguests, enjoying a nice apéro together. When I look over and see that the Useless Cat has found another mouse (or same one?) and it looks rather the worse for wear, but still alive. My older step-son managed to trap it with a broom and he picked it up BY THE TAIL and took it outside somewhere. Where it will eventually be found by the cat and brought back in the house, I'm sure.
About a half-hour after that, I went to put an empty bottle in the recycling bin under our sink... and saw ANOTHER MOUSE (probably the one I saw earlier that day by the dishwasher) IN the bin. Georges took it outside and let it go free. Where it will be caught by the cat and brought back in the house at some future date.
Then, it's after dinner and I'm scraping dirty dishes and as I pull out the under-counter trashcan on it's sliding track, I get a glimpse of a brown body and a tail, disappearing into the hole in the back of the cabinet. He went right past the freaking trap I'd set, too.
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The next morning...
Breakfast is over. Our guests, Georges, and all the teenagers (and their friends) have left for the day. I relish the calm, the peace, the quiet. I am once again comfortably installed on the couch with my laptop and again I see it... Mouse #3 has made his appearance outside the dishwasher. This time, the cat jumps on it so it doesn't run away. I grab the broom. Cat once again lets the mouse loose. Twenty minutes of chasing this mouse from one corner of the room to the other, from under the piano, from under the bench where everyone throws their shoes and coats, making sure it doesn't squiggle under the door to our bedroom, doing the "mouse dance" to avoid him running up my leg under my jeans (WORST NIGHTMARE SCENARIO) and FINALLY I manage to flip him out the door on his little mouse ass. He ran away into the shrubbery in the courtyard... no doubt to be eventually recaptured and brought back into the house by the Useless Cat.
Maybe we should just move out and let the cat and mice have the house. We're clearly outnumbered.
Waving white flag...
