I have long been a devoted reader of Dooce.com and today she posted a rather nice meme where she had to write about her marriage and her husband. As I read along, I found myself mentally answering the same questions about Georges and our relationship.
Then I decided to share it with the whole class.
Hopefully he will forgive me later.
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What are your middle names?
Mine is Jeanne. He's got two middle names, which is a common practice in France: Pierre Stephane. I particularly like "Stephane".
How long have you been together?
Forever... is how it feels. In reality, one year, four months, and ten days. Married for six months and one week of that.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
About 5 seconds. OK a little longer than that -- but not much. We first "met" on Meetic.fr on October 4th, a Thursday, where we chatted online for a few hours. We chatted again the next evening. That weekend we chatted a couple of times and it was on that Saturday, I think, that he asked if I'd like to go for lunch the following week "in a public place" and I didn't hesitate to say yes. We met for lunch on the 9th -- and that was it for both of us. HOOKED.
Who asked whom out?
See answer just above. It was him, all him. However... on that first lunch date, he asked me if I would have dinner with him also, that same evening, and I said no because I was already so emotionally overwhelmed, I thought I needed a little distance to clear my head. Two hours later I was sending him an SMS asking if he still wanted to meet me for dinner that night. I still have his reply on my cell phone: "Oh yes, please!" Dinner, I blush to say, lead to... well, breakfast the next morning, followed by lunch again. We call it the 26-hour first date. And neither of us remembers anything we ate during those four first meals together. I think there was a salad in there somewhere. And some wine.
How old are each of you?
I'm 47, he's 54. Seven years. I think it's the perfect age difference.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Well, his, because they're here in France, and my sister is an ocean away.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
It's a toss-up between my transition from single-hood (where I was only responsible for myself) into step-mothering (where I now have three young people whose needs sometimes must supersede my own), and my attempts, such as they are, to integrate into the French language and culture. Both can be very stressful on me at times and at least once a month I have at least a small meltdown and he's got to be there to talk with me and hold me and help me get my bearings again. But he's wonderful about it, really. Sometimes I can't believe how patient and supportive he is, even though I know full well that my stress is stressful on him, too.
Did you go to the same school?
Not even close. I have an Associates Degree in Business from a no-name community college in NJ, a diploma in Computer Programming from a specialty school in programming, and a whole lot of random college courses in French and Business under my belt with no advanced degree to show for it. I also trained in and graduated from two coach training programs. I'm sort of an educational dilettante, I guess. Georges, on the other hand, studied at one of France's Grande Ecoles -- the French equivalent of an American "ivy league" school -- and got his Master's there and also partially completed a doctoral program.
Are you from the same home town?
Again, not even close. Paris is about as far away from Hackettstown, New Jersey as it is culturally and geographically possible to get. Thank God.
Who is smarter?
Georges is book-smarter, more intellectual and literary, and better educated. And he knows a lot about a lot of different things. I love how smart he is and that he is someone who can teach me things (without being like a teacher instead of a husband and lover). However, I am smart too, but a different kind of "smart" -- I pay more attention to detail (he needs me to help him find things he set down on a table 5 minutes earlier), I'm very quick-witted (he loves that about me) and I think I perhaps am what you'd call more "street smart". It's the Jersey Girl in me. I feel we're totally equal in the smarts department (both having very high IQs), just in different ways.
Who is the most sensitive?
I will use Dooce.com's exact same answer on this one: "Ahem. Next question."
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We have a few favorites: our neighborhood sushi place is great. There is a little bistro near his office we just love. We used to love a typical French restaurant near the Mairie and ate there all the time, but they changed owners and the menu and now we're not so sure about it. We discovered a new place down the street that is very intimate with great food and service and I think this is our new favorite place to go for special occasions. We were just there for Valentine's Day.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Hackettstown, New Jersey for our wedding and Christmas.
Who has the craziest exes?
Um. I'll pass on this one. Anything I say could be used against us... I will just say that MY last ex before Georges was obsessed with this stupid role-playing card game called "Magic" that KIDS play and I always thought that was a bit nuts and a complete waste of time. And that same ex's mother was a little bit "crazy" (she saw dead people and had conversations with them -- seriously) but I really liked her anyway and she was very good to me. Other than that, I don't think I ever dated anyone mentally unbalanced or scary. Inattentive, unromantic and undependable, yes, but crazy -- no.
Who has the worst temper?
Well, it sort of depends. Neither of us has what I'd call a real "temper" -- we're both pretty zen most of the time and neither of us enjoys conflict. We have never, ever had anything even remotely resembling an argument. That being said, I am the more emotional of the two and when I'm angry it comes out as tears some of the time. Fortunately I'm rarely truly angry. He tends to have less patience with certain things, such when the Little Guy is giving us a hard time about eating (which is a lot) or certain things the teens are doing. But "bad tempers" aren't really any kind of issue with us. Fortunately.
Who does the cooking?
Georges. A good thing, too, or we'd all starve. I have a few things I cook well: shrimp scampi over rice, a chicken, broccoli and pasta dish with butter and garlic that everyone in the family seems to love, and I make a very good bolognaise sauce for pasta. My family back home likes it when I made new red potatoes with lemon chive butter for special holidays. Everything else I make is edible, but mediocre and unimaginative at best. Although I come from a long line of excellent cooks, I suck at it and I take no pleasure from doing it. On the other hand, Georges really enjoys the process of cooking and he is better at experimenting, whereas I need a recipe in front of me for anything other than the aforementioned "few things I cook well". Georges is great at concocting all sorts of sauces which I love, but if I were making the same dishes I'd be serving them without sauces and they'd be tasteless and boring. And he makes the most awesome salads! My family (some of whom never let a vegetable pass their lips) adores Georges' special salads when we come to visit.
Who is the neat-freak?
Neither of us; his daughter seems to have the least tolerance for clutter but her willingness to do anything about it seems to go in spurts. I have always been a lax housekeeper but I must say that now that I am living with other people's endless messes, I'm a lot less tolerant than I used to be and I try to keep as much general order as I can. Georges, my darling, is a pack-rat and finds it difficult to throw things away; I still haven't been able to get him to clear some bookshelf space for me. Our room is the worst and we're both at fault for it.
Who is more stubborn?
Georges is. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it and not budging. And don't tell me that just because I'm a Taurus, I'm supposed to be the stubborn one, because I'll argue you into the ground over it.
Who hogs the bed?
Him. Him, him, him. Somehow, the sheets and comforter end up wrapped around him because he loves to be toasty warm, even in summer, even to the point of perspiring in winter. He also (and THIS, I am not complaining about) likes to be very close to me so he tends to drift over to my side of the bed, all wrapped in his cocoon of sheets and comforter. So I'm sleeping on about 1/3 of the bed, only half-covered by any sheets or blankets... but he kind of makes up for that by being my own personal "central loving".
Who wakes up earlier?
We are neither of us "morning people" and only wake up when forced to do so, by the alarm clock, the 7-year-old, or nature's call. In the absence of all three of those, we seem to more or less wake up at roughly the same time at perhaps 9am, give or take a little. I seem to have more problems with insomnia than he does, though, and it takes me hours to get to sleep sometimes, whereas it takes him only minutes, or so it seems to me. Judging by the SNORING.
Where was your first date?
The Jardins de Luxembourg. He met me as I stepped off the #89 bus. We walked arm in arm into the gardens. We stopped in front of the Senat building where he kissed me for the first time. More kissing on a park bench, then lunch in an outdoor restaurant within the park, followed by more park bench action. The perfect first date. We still go there to make out whenever we can manage it.
Who is more jealous?
He is. He's French. But he's not annoying about it.
How long did it take to get serious?
We were serious, I think, before we even had our official first date. We just didn't know it yet. Within one week it was "serious". A week or so later the conversation turned to "forever" and it got REALLY serious from then on, and it was no longer a question of "if" but just "when".
Who eats more?
Officially? Georges. He eats more at meals, and he eats faster. WAY faster. Like, he's mopping the plate with a piece of a baguette when I'm chewing on my second bite of my steak. He likes his bon-bons in the evenings, too. I am a very moderate eater at meals and I get full quickly and often leave food on my plate (which seems to worry a lot of French waiters). However... I am the one who has (always had) the real weight problem and I am the "closet eater" which accounts in part for the weight issue.
Who does the laundry?
Georges selected, ordered, paid for and installed our new washing machine. That is the limit of his laundry expertise. I am not sure he has ever, in his life, had to wash a load of laundry. So, either I am doing it, or his daughter, or our cleaning lady. On rare occasions even his older son will force himself to wash some clothes. Never Georges.
Who's better with the computer?
Well, first you have to ask "which type of computer"? I was a trained computer professional. I worked on mainframe IBM computers for years, then learned to program Visual Basic when Windows got popular in the corporate world. I then learned Web design and did that for over 15 years. I taught myself some basic graphics design and blogging. Georges is a die-hard Mac user, devoted to the Cause and Steve Jobs. Every person in his family and of his personal acquaintance has an Apple computer, if Georges has anything to say about it. He is never without is iPod Touch. He also knows his way around Windows, can build and program interesting web site applications (I'm more about the design aesthetics than the behind-the-scenes), knows Linux as well, and can set up and manage a computer network. He also saved my ass when my hard drive crashed last summer and he got all or nearly all of my data back for me, something I would never have been able to do on my own. So he wins the "biggest geek in our marriage" award, hands down. And I am happy to concede that title.
Who drives when you are together?
We divide the driving duties by country. He drives here; I drive in the U.S. Eventually I will have to get a French driver's license here but I am SO putting that off for as long as possible. We haven't driven together yet in any other countries but when we do a driving tour of the south of England, I am very interested in doing some of the driving there, just for the experience of being on the "wrong" side of the road. Of the two of us, I think I am the more "fearless" driver. I tend to drive faster (but still safely) and I push the speed limits, and I am an ace at navigating parking lots quickly and snapping up good parking spaces. It is probably the influence of having grown up in New Jersey and being unafraid to drive in New York City. Having said that, I think the French are quite possibly the most insane drivers on earth (excluding Georges who is very safe and prudent), far worse than New Yorkers. And that's saying something.
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There... that wasn't so bad was it, sweetie? Sweetie? Hello?
