Talk incessantly on your cell phone from the moment you sit down to the moment you leave the train at the terminus in Marseilles: 2 hours. Never mind that it is 8 o'clock on a Monday morning and everyone else is quietly trying to sleep.
While you are talking, laugh out loud and make frequent gasping noises to punctuate your conversation, because you are clearly having one of the most entertaining chats of your life.
While laughing out loud, every so often you must slap your knee and double over with the hilarity of what you are saying or hearing.
Be so annoying that the girl sitting next to you gets up and changes her seat. Everyone else around you, if they're lucky enough to have one, turns up the volume on their iPods and MP3 players to drown you out... but it's still not enough.
Talk with your hands as if the person you're speaking to is right in front of you. Because the volume of your conversation isn't nearly annoying enough to everyone around you.
While waiting in the queue of people to depart the train, continue your animated and apparently now one-sided conversation... because as it turns out, you don't even HAVE a cell phone. As at least one person in the train has just figured out, you have spent the past two hours HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH YOURSELF (or more probably, with one or more voices in your head). No wonder that poor girl changed her seat.
And hopefully, that nice group of 5 or 6 policeman waiting at the end of the voie is waiting to take you back to the insane asylum from which you have clearly escaped.
