Well I have to say it: 47 is feeling pretty freaking great so far. Yes, it's another birthday for me today!
Ever since I passed 35 (and "still single") and then every birthday since then (also with the "still single" label attached, at least in my own mind), I would think about each year and what I had accomplished despite not having a man in my life (actually when I was 35 I did have someone in my life, but we split up some time after I turned 36 and that was it for me for a long while, relationship-wise). I never wanted to be one of those women who felt her life was complete shit without a man around. Much as there was a part of me that wanted someone special by my side, there was another part of me that felt a certain pride that I didn't get all sad and morose each time another birthday rolled past like the mile-markers on the side of the highway: "You have just passed mile marker 43... just 40 more years until you die alone and unloved".
Nope, I wasn't having any of that stuff. I always felt my life had to be worthwhile, that it ought to stand for something wonderful, even if I had no partner. In the past decade or so, I made it my business to try and design a life I felt good about. And it was after I passed 43 that I really started feeling it... the need to stretch myself farther, be bolder, and take more control of my life instead of living it on autopilot.
So at 45, I made the leap, and came to Paris. At 46, I spent my birthday in France, in the company of lovely friends in Provence, and THAT was memorable. A few months later, I took my summer Tour and thought more about how long I might want to stay here, given that I was "still" on my own. I was on the verge of maybe having to go back as money was running a bit low, but I made a commitment to myself to stick it out a while longer even while I started thinking of a back-up plan of "where to go next". I didn't know what my future would hold, and when (or even if) Love and I would cross paths again, although I had a strong feeling that "something was coming". But I was determined to make my life wonderful even if I never met anyone special, ever again. I was determined to live my life on my terms, no matter what.
Then Georges entered my life, and I entered his. Now we are getting ready to enter a new phase of both our lives, one we never saw coming at "our ages". I wake up every day smiling, and fall asleep the same way; I haven't been able to make that claim in a long time, even though I'm generally a very happy person.
It's not fair to say that I'm only happy BECAUSE of Georges being in my life. I don't believe other people can "make" you happy any more than they can "make" you unhappy; I think we choose how to feel most of the time. I think Georges and I were attracted to each other because we were both ready to be together and be happy together; we were both already quite happy people, each in our way.
So now as I cross into 47, I feel in some ways as though my life is beginning anew, even though for many people it's a time when things are beginning to slow down and get comfortable. We starting an adventure together... and it's called Life.
What better way to celebrate another year?
