Well, it's been nearly a year since I came here and in all that time I have not had a single "frustration meltdown" over my ability to communicate in French. Mainly because I haven't really hit a situation where I couldn't at least make myself understood, even if my French wasn't perfect, especially in terms of having to accomplish something important.
Until today. Today, I had to try and make a doctor's appointment. I have been dreading this, truly dreading it -- trying to deal with the medical profession when I don't speak the language.
I started by getting a referral from a friend to a clinic she really likes, newly renovated and very modern, and also got from her the name of her doctor, whom she likes although he does not really speak English (at least to her - she's fluent in French), plus another doctor she knows of at the same clinic who supposedly speaks very good English. She coached me on some of the words I would need to request the appointment and tell the receptionist what it was for. She said, "You can do it!" and I so wanted to believe her.
I phoned the main number listed on the clinic's website, a knot of apprehension in my stomach. I stumbled through my little rehearsed speech, that I would like to make an appointment with a doctor to discuss blah-blah-blah (never mind, no big deal) and that I'm American, and I apologize that my French is not very good (I thought, best let them know what they are dealing with here, and maybe they will take pity on me).
I got transferred. But that person had trouble hearing me at all (there is something wrong with my Vonage service lately where people are not hearing me very well or the sound is cutting out altogether), so I hung up and used my French cell phone instead. Had to go through the entire speech again, got transferred again. Repeated the speech. Got put on hold. Another girl came back, only to tell me I had to call ANOTHER number to make a appointment!
So what is with the main number on their website, then? She rattles off the number, and I had to have her repeat it like five times to be sure I got it right, and even repeated it back to her.
I called the number I had written down... but it was NOT the clinic's "make a rendez-vous" number but just some random guy's voice mail. What the hell? I just could not bear the thought of having to call the clinic back AGAIN to try and book an appointment, knowing that my French vocabulary or ability to comprehend rapid-fire spoken French had not miraculously improved since my earlier attempts. I felt defeated. Picture me waving the white flag in surrender.
And yet, I really need to make this appointment. Shit.
At this point, I was already so keyed up that I just melted down in my frustration, from feeling completely inadequate to do something as simple as make a freaking doctor's appointment for something very routine. I have studied French for HOW LONG? Since the age of 13? And I can't even have such a simple conversation and be understood? Then, I cried even more because I felt like such an ass for crying at all.
Either I misunderstood them, or they misunderstood me, but now I am wondering what to do. I am clearly not able to get through to these people effectively on my own. I am at a total loss. I am afraid to try calling them back again because what's the point? Even if I get an English-speaking doctor, even if I go to another doctor's office, I still have to deal with the French-speaking staff just to make the appointment. And don't even get me started on filling out the forms in French -- I am terrified at the thought of doing that without a translator.
Not knowing what else to do, I called the American Hospital in Paris, knowing that at least there, I could get the appointment set up, and made one for Wednesday evening. But at 130 Euros just for the consult I am hoping I can work something out with this clinic which is bound to be cheaper and quicker. At the Hospital, the secretary told me they might want to do all kinds of blood work and things that I KNOW are completely unnecessary in this instance. So, I've got the appointment but I'm hoping I can cancel it tomorrow after figure out my next move.
Suffice to say, I always knew that sooner or later, I would finally hit a wall with some aspect of living France and becoming frustrated with the less-than-optimal language skills. I am so used to being independent and handling things myself that I don't even much like the idea of asking a more fluent friend to help me set up the appointment. And I know this will not be the last time I melt down over dealing with a new French life. Add to this, it's a rainy, dreary Monday, just the sort of day when things like this can really put you over the edge.
But I'm better now... I've done my deep breathing, and done some work to concentrate on something productive, something I CAN control. And I will see Georges later, I have that to look forward to... I SO need a hug!
