I debated for a while about responding to NotAnUglyAmerican's and Gautami's comments to the Toilet Post. It's sometimes hard to know where to draw the line with one's critics, especially when silly IS as silly DOES (as Forrest, Forrest Gump might have said). Clearly, these people have a chip on their shoulders about Americans, that much is obvious. While I really don't care that they think I'm silly schoolgirl or even an egocentric American, what finally swayed me to put a reply together was that I thought this was a good time to tackle a sometimes sticky subject for Americans living abroad -- coping with anti-American biases when you're traveling.
For starters, I think these two commentors (and there might be more to come, you never know) rather over-reacted and were really off the mark in how they perceived my reaction to the toilet. Part of traveling to new places is seeing things you've never seen before, and sometimes you're going to have an unfavorable opinion or reaction to some of those things. How is MY reaction to this toilet any different or any worse than, say, a foreign tourist coming to New York for the first time and complaining about the noise, chaos and pollution -- or kvetching because the food in America isn't like the food THEY are used to "back home"? No place on earth is perfect and sometimes when you travel there are going to be things you find very odd or uncomfortable. It doesn't make you a bad person for feeling that way.
I find it interesting (and when I say "interesting", I really mean hypocritical) that whenever an American has an unflattering opinion of another culture, it makes us "ugly Americans" -- but it's supposed to be perfectly OK for non-Americans to constantly bash Americans for the smallest thing -- like saying "Ew" about a toilet I thought was really odd in contrast to what I'm used to. Since we're on the potty subject, I also continue to think it's odd that in many French homes, the toilet is in a separate "water closet" where there is NO SINK NEARBY and where you have to go into another room, sometimes located inconveniently across the house, to wash your hands. I find THAT rather unhygienic. But I've got that setup in my own apartment and I've adjusted. The point is: I find these things ODD and may not LIKE them, but it doesn't mean I don't ACCEPT them. Everything is an adjustment when it's new to you. If I see a turkish toilet for the first time and think: "Wow, I've never seen THAT before, that's really weird!", that's just me reacting to what's new to me. Now, on the other hand, if I'm still bitching and moaning about it 3 months later and saying "Why can't the effing plumbing in France be like it is in AMERICA?", THAT is being ugly and intolerant.
Since moving here, I've been asked by people back home if I've encountered any anti-American sentiment, and up until now I've honestly been able to say "Short of no one in Paris, including the Americans I've met in Paris, liking George Bush, no, I haven't." The people I've met here, both the French and expats from more countries than I can count, have all been lovely and excited to exchange ideas and experiences about America and about their own countries, or other places we've all travelled. Like the time the local fruitseller asked where I was from and when I told him "New Jersey", his face lit up like a Christmas tree and he said: "I LOVE New Jersey... I lived in 'oboken (Hoboken) for two years and loved it. Oh, I MISS 'oboken so much!" We chatted for 10 minutes about all the things he loved about America. I've never yet told someone "Je suis Americaine" and had them wince or make a face, let alone say or do anything in the slightest bit rude to me because I'm an American. I've never been made to feel unwelcome here because of my nationality.
My favorite part of travelling is meeting people from all over the world and being able to compare what we think we know or don't know about each other's countries, which often includes admitting the flaws in your own country or having a chance to correct a misperception someone has about your country.
Like the misperception that all American tourists are automatically the "ugly Americans". Or that it makes me U.S.-egocentric and intolerant of other cultures because I spotted a TOILET [I still can't believe a toilet would generate such controversy!] that was completely different than anything I'd ever seen before and because, yes, I found it to be a little gross. It's not my fault, you know, that I was born in America where these toilets don't exist. You're born where you're born. Do I feel lucky to be born into circumstances that provided me with excellent plumbing that allows me to sit comfortably when nature calls? You bet I do! It's not "belittling" other cultures to say that I don't think I'd care to use one of those turkish toilets, but hey, in a pinch I wouldn't exactly quibble about it and I'd be grateful to have it.
But I think it's safe to say that it is certainly belittling TO America that some individuals will find any excuse to widen the gap between America and the rest of the world. These are people who seem to take real pleasure in "taking America down a peg" whenever they get an opportunity. Even if it's about a toilet.
These are people who are bigoted and biased against America and Americans; they are people who are guilty of being as egocentric, pompous, self-important and intolerant about America as they accuse Americans of being about everyone else. They really don't want the world to become a more peaceful, unified place where diversity is not only tolerated, but accepted and embraced; their agenda is create a feeling of separateness, of "us versus them", so that they can feel superior. Americans are often accused of being isolationist but it seems that others in the world WANT to isolate us... then cut us off at the knees any way possible. And not just with words, either. But those people don't know the REAL America. They've got a really twisted view of what they think America is, probably as a result of being spoon-fed propoganda and lies. And they've probably not spent a whole lot of time with a variety of different Americans, either, and therefore have never bothered to challenge their own negative assumptions about who we are, we Americans.
Yes, I know about the "ugly Americans" that one of you is clear to point out you are Not, and unfortunately they do exist. They're the ones who travel outside the US and complain non-stop about how nothing is as good as it is back home. The food is strange; people aren't bending over backwards to be nice to them; and for crying out loud, Mildred, why won't people speak ENGLISH already? I cringe whenever I overhear these whiny tourists, and I, too, wonder: "If you wanted it to be just like home, then maybe you should have stayed home and just had a barbecue". I'm not going to make excuses for THOSE Americans, because they simply don't "get it", what travel is REALLY all about, and they probably never WILL get it. Let's just write 'em off because they're not worth thinking about (and because while other countries love to complain about the ugly Americans, those same countries also love to take our U.S. dollars in tourist trade and when Americans don't travel abroad, you're all trying to get us to come back and spend money. See what I mean? Hypocrites!)
Travel is supposed to break down cultural barriers. It's about challenging yourself and your perceptions of the world. It doesn't mean we're always going to see eye-to-eye or like everything we see or experience when we travel. But travel shows us that sometimes, other countries have something really wonderful to teach us, like the way France has already started to teach me it's OK to slow down a bit, and sit in a café for an hour instead of rushing somewhere else. (Or realizing that yes, a turkish toilet probably DOES have an advantage in terms of hygiene. But I still hope I never have to use one.)
How great it is that I can sit down to a meal with a group of new friends from France, Finland, England, Italy, Australia, China and Japan and talk about international politics and cultural differences without our differing opinions or experiences creating a rift in our friendship. I'm learning from them, and they're learning from me. It's a beautiful thing.
Not one of them seems to think I'm an "ugly American" because I thought this toilet was a real hoot. They'd rather not use one, either, given a choice. And they thought it was funny, my reaction to it. So how come they're not called "ugly"?
So, that's it for my rant tonight. Frankly I don't care if narrow-minded people are accusing me of being narrow-minded; they're just projecting their own issues onto ME. It's fine if they've got an opinion and think I'm silly, or worse. But I did think these comments provided an opportunity to address this thing about how Americans are perceived and how there is a real double-standard with what some of the world thinks Americans should be, do, and say. And how they also seem to think we should be apologizing for being American and for our way of life. THAT is what I really take issue with, this view that Americans should be ashamed for being who we are as human beings and for being proud of our legacy in the world. We're not perfect, and our country isn't perfect. But it's still pretty freaking great, and a lot of other people seem to think so too or they wouldn't be sneaking over our borders in the dead of night and on water-logged rowboats. And when some other country is up against a tyrant or an attack or a natural disaster, who do they call? America.
Lest we forget.
Most Americans work like dogs to get whatever they've got, and some of them don't have a lot. They are not "rich Americans" with nothing better to do but shop all day; they are just trying to survive. They get up every morning, feed and dress their children, send them off to school, then rush to a job they quite often hate working for sub-standard wages for 8-10 hours, then rush home to take care of their kids again, fall into bed at night bone-tired, and get up the next day to do it all over again. Just like in the rest of the world, Americans are trying to create a better life for themselves and their children than their parents had, and their grandparents before them. Why do so many people in the world resent us for that? America is not what you see in the movies.
I love living in France. It, too, is imperfect, but so far I'm loving it. I hope I am able to stay here as long as I want. I also hope to visit many more places around the world because the more I travel, the more I learn about the world, and about myself. But I'm damned fine proud to be an American, and if a few snide bigots expect me to apologize for BEING American, you're wasting your time. Best move on if you don't want to read about an American's perspective -- good, bad, or indifferent -- on her travel experiences.
Or better yet, go find a turkish toilet and put your anti-American biases where they belong.
