You know how when you meet someone new and discover there is "something there"? Those early days when you still have so much to learn about each other and nothing is for certain, but where it's exciting and you can't stop thinking about the other person and smiling?
Where you have everything ahead of you to be discovered and enjoyed?
Where you wonder what he's thinking when you're not with him? Where
you're imagining what it will be like next time you see him... where
you might go, what you might explore, what kind of fun you'll have?
Where, when you're having a quiet moment alone with your thoughts, your thoughts turn to remembering something--maybe something romantic, something funny, or something intensely intimate--that happened the last time you saw him and you get a little shiver up your spine and your breath catches?
Where, in the middle of doing something else in your day, he pops into your mind's eye and the next thing you know you've been staring at that same spot on the wall for 10 minutes, daydreaming about the way he held your hand, or kissed you, or looked at you like he just couldn't get enough of you?
Finding someone that I actually LIKE, a man whose company I already enjoy very much, someone who quite obviously likes me and where there is a strong mutual attraction... finding this person feels like a gift. Especially to have found someone in Paris like this, and especially after so many years where I just didn't meet ANYONE I was interested in. Not one single person. And not for lack of looking, either.
There are many, many unknowns in this very new relationship (where it is as yet so undefined I'm even sure what to call it), but what I know and see so far, I like. There is nothing but potential here between us. I don't know where it's heading and that's perfectly fine right now. But there is most definitely something "there".
It really hit me today: I'm happy, all the time. And I can't remember when the last time was that I could honestly claim that feeling in my life. Not just because of The Wizard, although that's a big part of it... but because after years of focusing on survival I'm focusing on LIVING. I'm creating the life I want and every single day I am overwhelmed with gratitude for how great this new life is. I waited a long time to take charge of my own life, to start doing what I really wanted regardless of the opinions of others. And now every single day is something to feel good about, even days where nothing special is happening, where I don't see or do a single new thing in Paris, not even one new view of this beautiful city I love so much.
Because the INNER view, the view of what is in my mind, my heart and my soul is already spectacular.
