If I could have any mystery unveiled for me, what would it be? That is the wonderful writing prompt from Sunday Scribblings this week, and it is ripe with possibilities.
There are so many unknowns in the world, so many things my naturally curious and analytical mind wants to know about. Things like: is the Shroud of Turin really that of Jesus? How did the Egyptians and the Aztecs manage to build all those pyramids and temples and tombs? Where the hell IS Jimmy Hoffa, since we now know he's not buried under a barn in Michigan? (I'm still betting that he's underneath Giants Stadium right here in New Jersey.) How much of the background material in The DaVinci Code is really true? What really does happen to us in the afterlife? And one of the biggest mysteries of all -- will I ever, EVER in my lifetime become fluent in French (mystère et boules de gomme)?
But the mystery that most intrigues me is the mystery of the opposite sex, and for me that means MEN. Why is it that men and women can both be part of the same human species and yet be SO different? There's a reason those Mars and Venus books were such huge bestsellers, because it really does feel like we're from different planets sometimes.
For instance, why is it that most men have such a hard time opening up or connecting emotionally, but most women find it so easy? Why is it that the two genders seem constantly at odds, can't trust one another, play games to "get" one another's attention, and get so frustrated with one another? Why is it still so difficult to find -- and keep -- someone special in your life, without cheating, betrayal and heartache? Why does it have to be so hard to have real love in our lives? Why, why, why, why, why, why, WHY?
You can tell me that it all goes back to those cave-man days, the hunter/gatherer thing where men HAD to be a certain way and women also HAD to be a different way to ensure the survival of our species; but good God, haven't we evolved beyond all that by now? It's Two Thousand Flipping SIX already, not 5,000 B.C. Aren't we past the point in our human evolution where men and women can learn to trust each other, be equal partners and to be on the same side? I understand that in conflict there is often passion, and that opposites often do attract. But conflict is TIRING, for crying out loud. And so is trying to figure out what the "opposite" person is up to.
After being single for 45 years now, I'm TIRED already. Tired of wondering when I will meet someone again. Someone I can actually fall in love with because he's the right fit for me in every respect, STAY in love with no matter what, and someone who will reciprocate those feelings, while we both still have fun together and respect and care for one another, because it's not all about great sex. And sometimes love isn't enough to see you through tough times... you need more than that. I don't want to just be out there meeting man after man after man, not at this point in my life. But I do so very badly want to have that very deep and special connection with a man again. And I'm tired of waiting... since I was 5 years old I've been looking for that special guy. WHERE IS HE ALREADY?
I'm tired of being afraid that maybe I will never meet that man, whoever and wherever he may be. Even thinking about making the effort to get out there again and DATE (which I hate) is exhausting to me, because I know what goes with it: head games. Trying to second guess each other's thoughts, intentions, meanings and motives. Analyzing every word, every glance, every nuance looking for the "hidden" meaning. I don't play that game very well, and even contemplating having to do it again is probably the biggest reason why I have not gone out on a date since 1999.
As much work as I've done on myself, as much therapy as I've had, as many self-help books as I've read and however many Oprah/Dr. Phil shows I've seen, all as part of my "romantic education", just when I think I've got men figured out, something happens to make me realize I know NOTHING at all. And THAT is why for me, men -- and our confusing, infuriating, complex, and sometimes wonderfully exciting relationships with them -- are the biggest mystery.
I'm sure men feel the same about us, too. But then again, aren't we women supposed to be mysterious?
