I was just wondering... is anyone else out there exceptionally gifted at wasting time? I figure I can't be the ONLY one who can fill my days with busy-ness instead of BUSINESS.
Whenever I am in the mood to avoid doing something, I have become frighteningly adept at creating excuses. All "good" ones of course, usually prefaced by "I have to":
-- I have to balance my checkbook.
-- I have to balance my OTHER checkbook.
-- I have to check e-mail in case the writing job of a lifetime has just fallen into my lap (in the 20 minutes since I last checked e-mail for the job of a lifetime).
-- And while I'm at it, I have to read and respond to or delete all the OTHER emails that have also come through in the last 20 minutes.
-- I have to answer the phone because it's my best friend calling and even though we talk almost daily it would be rude to let voice mail pick up the call. Besides, I love talking with her.
-- I have to run down to Walmart... Staples... the supermarket... the bank.
The list could go on and on. "I have to" has become my mantra for justifying the fact that there is something I really need to be doing but am stressed out about doing. For example, lately I've been stalling about doing some cold-calling about writing opportunities, because I've never had to cold-call before and I'm uncomfortable about it. I spent a good portion of the past two weeks doing all the "prep work" of creating a script and marketing materials to support my cold-calling efforts (which of course I "had to" do before I could start calling companies). And now that I've pretty much run out of "legitimate" reasons to put it off... I decided to write about it so I can delay just a little bit longer! (As I said, I'm very gifted at this!)
"I have to" are the words we use when we want to rationalize our choices or behaviors - not only to ourselves but to others as well. We say "I have to" when we want to get out of doing something but don't want to be direct about it -- such as "I'd love to have lunch next Tuesday, but I have to go to the dentist" when you have no dentist appointment. We feel it would be unacceptable to tell the truth: "I'm sorry, I really don't WANT to have lunch with you, because there's something else I'd rather be doing." "I have to" has become code for "I want to do something else but I don't want to admit it."
In truth there is very little in life we actually HAVE TO do in an absolute sense. Pretty much everything we do in our lives is a choice - not a "have to". The only reasons we truly "have to" do or say anything is in order to achieve a desired result; we could choose NOT to do those things but the consequences would be unpleasant. Examples:
-- We have to brush our teeth if we want our teeth to be healthy.
-- We have to treat people with respect if we expect others to treat us the same way.
-- We have to do work that provides us with an income if we want to (a) get paid, (b) eat, and (c) have a roof over our heads.
So what's the solution? How do we get past our "have to's" to start doing the things that will really produce the results we want? How do we get beyond busy work and time-killers to where we spend our time doing what matters most?
I'm not sure I've got a one-size-fits-all solution... but I do know that being aware of the ways I try and fool myself is a good start. Because "I have to" tell the truth to myself before I can change anything.
