Welcome to The Bold Soul!
For a long time now, I've held a vision of making "living boldly" the focus of my work and how I live my own life. I've owned Living Boldly® as a trademark in my work as a Life Coach and even created one of my web sites around it. I've written about it in my monthly newsletter, and used it as a theme when coaching my clients. I see "boldness" as something I want to express in my own life on both a practical and spiritual level. But I've also found that it's a lot easier to talk about than to DO. (Hey, isn't that true of most things in life?)
The concept of Living Boldly actually came to me in the months following the September 11th attacks. Like so many people around the world I was deeply affected by those events for weeks and months afterward. I wanted to make sense of something that made no sense at all. (For a glimpse into my thoughts on that day, read "Healing the Global Heart".)
At that time, I was on the cusp of yet another "life transition". (See my personal story "B.C." - before coaching.) It was 2001 and I had turned 40 earlier that same year. While I wasn't exactly in mid-life crisis mode, I had been struggling to build my business as a Life Coach since 1997 -- "struggling" being the operative word -- and I was getting tired. Although I was highly trained, skilled and certified as a coach and was doing everything I knew how to do to market my business, it simply wasn't going well. Of course, the economic impact of the 9/11 attacks didn't help matters either, and as individuals and companies tightened their belts, no one seemed prepared to invest in coaching. I took part-time jobs and supplemented my coaching income with my web design expertise and managed to keep afloat financially, but while I loved being a coach and got a lot of satisfaction because my clients were doing well, I was feeling frustrated and insecure about the future, and I was also adamant about not wanting to go back into a "job" full time.
So, there I was, unsure about who I was, what I was supposed to be doing, and what the future would hold. Now, I happen to have a very strong spiritual foundation that sees me through anything, but even the most spiritual among us can get rattled when our plans and hard work don't seem to be getting us anywhere. I decided to "put my coach hat on" and coach myself by asking one very simple yet powerful question:
"If my life were about to end tomorrow, what would I most want to be able to say I accomplished?"
If we learned anything from the events of 9/11, it's that our physical existence is never guaranteed. None of us knows how long we really have to live the life we've been given. And we have no control over most of what is going on around us, and never did. We can't control events -- the only thing we can do is manage ourselves and our choices. In the face of any painful event or difficult challenge, it is our CHOICES about it that can impact the outcome, or how we EXPERIENCE the outcome. We can't change what happened, but we can choose how to feel, how to react, and what we do afterward. Those choices can influence the final result -- or at least influence our experience of the situation. Choose wisely, and you'll have a very difficult experience than if you choose poorly.
Case in point: in May 2001, I went to Paris to celebrate my 40th birthday. Since I was 13, I have had a mental love affair with Paris and all things French. And I always promised myself I would turn 40 in Paris, and I managed to keep that promise. But the trip didn't exactly turn out the way I planned it.
On my second day there, while in a crowded subway car with my Mom, someone stole my wallet from my backpack. (Merde!) In it were my passport, drivers license, my credit cards, and about $400 USD in cash from some travelers checks I had cashed just that morning. Without going into much detail (because that's another story in itself), let me just say that I'd was well aware of the pickpocket situation in Paris - it's legendary - and I did a lot of things wrong that made me and easy target. And there I was, with no wallet, identity or money, in a city where I barely spoke the language. Not exactly the birthday gift to myself I'd been envisioning!
In the moment when I discovered what happened, I had a choice to make. I could have, of course, freaked out, gotten hysterical, cried over it with my mother, and basically run around like a chicken with no head. If I'd done that, no one would have blamed me under the circumstances, but what would it serve? Instead, I made one very critical decision: to remain calm and to let go of any feelings of anger or fear so I could focus on what was in front of me in the moment. That one decision impacted the entire rest of my trip to Paris. Because I was calm, my mother was able to remain calm. I was able to think clearly and in so doing, quickly realized what my immediate next move had to be. And -- I'm not exaggerating -- within ONE HOUR I had a new passport, had successfuly cancelled all my credit cards before the thieves had time to use them, was on my way to pick up a new American Express card at their local Paris office, and even got a cash advance at the Amex office as well. Because I chose wisely, everything seemed to fall into place almost miraculously (such as when I found out the Embassy was literally right in front of us as we came up out of the subway - in that huge city, it was right where I needed it to be when I needed it), and what could have been a disaster turned into a little bit of inconvenience, after which we went on with our plans for the rest of the trip. I could have chosen to play the victim, but instead I chose to take responsibility and do what I could to manage what happened. And in the end, things turned out just fine and I learned that I can handle anything.
So a few months later, in those post-9/11 days of questioning what was next for me, the answer came through very clearly, through my inner voice -- some might call it intuition, or maybe it was God speaking to me directly. I heard:
"Boldly. Boldly. What I want is to have lived my life boldly -- to not have let my fears stand in my way. I want to be able to say I lived my life fully and without any major regrets for things I wanted to do but didn't."
There it was: Living Boldly®. For a few years after that, I tried to apply it as a predominant theme both in my coaching practice and my personal life. People seemed to respond to this concept when I would talk about it or write about it as part of my work, and I felt encouraged by that -- yet at the same time, my own business continued to struggle. I found it difficult not to hold myself accountable for that, thinking "if only I did this, or that, or the other thing, then maybe THAT would be the key!", but nothing I did seemed to make any real difference.
Then, last year, it finally sunk in. What if my stagnant coaching business wasn't evidence of my failure, but was instead evidence that the Universe was trying to get my attention and guide me in a different direction? What if being a coach wasn't the professional "holy grail" I was looking for after all? What if I was supposed to be doing something entirely different? What if being a coach wasn't the DESTINATION, but merely the VEHICLE through which I would be able to find and embrace my gifts, my calling, my true purpose for my life?
I felt like I had hit upon a very profound truth. Being a coach had brought so much to my life: a wonderful community of amazing colleagues and friends around the world who loved and supported me unconditionally; a way of communicating with others that was not only productive, but powerful in how it allowed me to create stronger and healthier relationships with others in all areas of my life; and a spiritual "True North" by which to steer my course through life. Being a coach gave me valuable life tools and skills that I know I will always be able to use and apply for the rest of my days.
But coaching was no longer where my heart really was, and I had to admit that to myself. I wasn't ready to give it up completely, but I WAS ready to consider new possibilities. The next question, as I was lying in bed one night, was "well then, what's next? What do I REALLY want to do with my life? What is the gift within me that is calling out to be expressed? If I could do anything (and I CAN), what would that be?"
I sat straight up in bed as I heard a voice within me say "I am a writer. And what I want is to write and to live in Paris. It's what I've ALWAYS wanted, deep down. That's the life I want to lead. And that's what Living Boldly looks like for me right now."
We know the truth when we hear it. And I know that for me, this was the truth, something that just IS. It didn't matter that I wasn't trained or educated as a writer, and had never had writer in my job title. It didn't matter that no one among my family ever did anything like that before. It didn't matter that there would be difficulties to overcome in moving to a foreign country. It didn't matter that I had no idea how I would live there, establish and support myself as a writer, and make any of that happen. I just knew that I had the answer I needed.
What would I write about? I wasn't sure. Maybe I would continue to write about Living Boldly, finding a fresh approach. Maybe I would write about being 40-ish and single and moving to France. As of this writing I'm not living in Paris yet, and may not get there for a few more years. I've got one or two pretty decent book ideas I'm working on but so far, no publisher. I'm a work in progress as a writer. And that's OK. Another thing being a coach has taught me is how to just relax, enjoy the process and to trust in the Universe. And that's what I'm going to do.
I'm a Bold Soul. And so are you, or you wouldn't be here. It's no accident you found your way here, to my blog. You're here for a purpose. You may not know what it is yet, but there's something here that you need, and you'll find it, sooner or later. Don't give up. Come back often. Check in and participate with your comments. Tell me your story of what Living Boldly means to you, or how you are living it out, or how you are struggling with it. Living Boldly® will mean something different to everyone -- and whatever your bold life looks like, I want to support you in creating it.
Welcome to my journey. I hope you'll enjoy coming along for the ride.
March 17, 2005. Happy St. Patrick's day to all the Irish and part-Irish out there!
Here's an update to this first of what will be many, many blog entries:
After a few weeks to reflect, I realized what I really want to focus on with this blog. Yes, it's still about being bold and finding your bold spirit; but I now realize the best way for me to focus on that is to simply write about what matters most to me and some of the things I am up to and pursuing on my own life's journey.
You can expect to find postings here in several categories, which might change and expand over time:
-- Musings on Being Bold: reflections on what boldness is and how it shows up in everyday life
-- Nobody's Perfect: challenges I'm having as I try and practice what I "preach"
-- Paris or Bust (or Pourquoi Paris?): conversations on my quest to create an expat life for myself in Paris and how I will get there from New Jersey -- follow the saga!
So stay tuned in (check out Bloglines.com for a way to track new posts to my blog as well as anyone else's) and join in with your thoughts, suggestions, or even helpful contacts that can help me get to Paris and get published to fulfill my dream of becoming a full-time writer and published author!
