Old (boy)friend emails --
Where has he been all this time?
Wondering what's next.
Me and the best male friend I ever had, circa our last "date" in 1982-83 (office Christmas party; don't I look cute and so thin? He looked great in his tux, too).
Not long after this -- for reasons I fully know and understand, but cannot discuss except to say that no, he was not in prison -- he disappeared from my life. Poof! Gone with nary a trace. I knew where he was and why he was gone, but there was not one thing I could do about it, except respect his decision. And that was the last I (or any of our old crowd of friends) heard from him for the better part of the past couple of decades.
Until today, when he responded to a classmates.com email I sent over the weekend. But I never expected a reply (this isn't the first time I've tried to reconnect, to no avail).
He's been a "mystery" in the back of my mind, all these years. Many unanswered questions, things I'd like to know, the most important of which is: "Are you happy?" -- because I fervently hope he has been. "What made you break away from everyone that way?" is another... mine was not the only friendship he dropped, without warning and very uncharacteristically, all those years ago. I have theories, but they are only theories. I know and trust that he had his reasons, and he had difficult choices to make. Which is why I'm hoping he is happy with his choices and his life.
Because in my heart, he is still my friend. He is still the same goofy guy with the big cheesy grin who was the center of my social group in school. He is at the root of many of my best teenage memories. Were we "more than friends"? Yes, but not only in the way you might think. We did sort of date from time to time, but we never got to the point of it being "serious". We weren't in a "relationship". But we were "more than friends" as far as I'm concerned because we had a connection that went beyond what I had with most of my other friends, male or female, at that time in my life. Putting it simply, I loved him... but I was not IN love with him. I don't know if he remembers our history in the same way I do -- perhaps not. If circumstances had gone differently, would we have become a couple? I have no idea, and even if we did I'm not sure we'd have been right for each other. There are just too many what-ifs and none of them matter because the reality of our lives and choices are very different.
Will I get answers now? Will I even hear from him again? The door has been opened, just a little, but I really don't know. He's been that elusive "mystery" for so long, I have no idea what to expect, so I'm expecting nothing but hoping for at least one good juicy "how the hell are you and what have you been doing for the past two decades" talk.
For now I'm simply adjusting to the shock of having actually had a friendly reply, with the promise of a longer message later, from my long-lost friend. And that is enough to deal with for today.