A few days ago, I realized that we are living with the feline version of Achmed, the Dead Terrorist:
Clacha, our resident Jekyll-and-Hyde Psycho Cat, frequently sits under the kitchen table, plotting her next terrorist attack on the legs of whomever happens to be walking innocently by.
"I KEEL YOU!" -- that's her M.O.
When she screeches in the morning or evening (7am and 6pm on the dot!) to be fed, we know she is saying "Hurry up, Infidel... or I KEEL YOU!"
When she races out of the kitchen window or front door to viciously chase our gardienne's dog, Lady, down the courtyard, she is clearly trying to chase the occupying forces out of her "country". "Go home or I KEEL YOUUUUU!"
And those little "surprises" she leaves on the floor -- the dead rodents or birds, the vomit, or the little cat poos she kicks out of her box -- are the kitty equivalent of a terrorist bomb because you never know when one will strike. After which, she has such a self-satisfied expression on her face, I know she's laughing maniacally in her little kitty head: "Bwah-ha-ha... I KEEEEEL YOU!!!!!!!!!"
Her terror campaign is fairly effective. The little kids won't touch her -- even the 2-year old next door has learned to steer clear of her. The teens either ignore her, or bait her to make her mad, but being teens they are naturally more apt to take unnecessary risks and it's only a matter of time before she leaves visible scars on their hands or feet to match the ones on my own. I've taken to checking where she is hiding before venturing to walk across my own living room floor, because she could be ANYWHERE, waiting to pounce. Even Georges has started to wait to get out of bed until after I've fed her (but that's sort of OK because then HE has to be the one to clean the cat box).
It's perfectly obvious to us that this cat came from one of those terrorist training camps we're always hearing about in the news. Who knew they were using cats as their new secret weapon of mass destruction? Who needs a suicide bomber when you can plant a highly trained psychotic cat in every home? I'm far more afraid of this cat sometimes than I am of anything I see about Al Quaeda on the news.
