Being with My Parisian has been a remarkable experience in more ways than I have words to describe right now. But one thing I have immediately noticed is a marked contrast between how My Parisian treats me, and how other men may have treated me in the past, in terms of letting me know he is really "into me".
There are always subtle and not-so-subtle clues that a man will drop, to let a woman know how into her he really is. The authors of He's Just Not That Into You will tell you that there ARE no "mixed messages" in relationships, as we women are wont to believe (and make endless excuses for), but sometimes we girls are not so quick to make the distinction because we are too busy chasing after these losers who are not treating us the way we deserve.
So, as a public service, in case you are someone who is struggling with "is he, or is he not, INTO me?", here are some real-life examples, from my real life, to help you distinguish the difference.
"Not into you" looks a lot like this:
- doesn't remember things you say
- isn't interested in who you are; asks few questions about you
- won't look you in the eye for more than 2 seconds together
- doesn't bother getting in touch with you in between dates
- "booty call guy" -- only calls (1) last minute, (2) when he's drunk and horny, or (3) when his wife/girlfriend is out of town (or all three)
- would rather watch television, look at porn, play computer games or [substitute obsessive hobby of choice] than spend time talking to you and being with you
- doesn't tell you he misses you when you are not together
- doesn't tell you how he feels about you without you having to weasel it out of him
- never tells you you're beautiful
- never looks at you like he can't believe how lucky he is
- doesn't volunteer information about himself, his past, his flaws, his concerns; you have to constantly go digging for information
- long after you have broken up and he has told you he doesn't want to talk to you any more because he has "moved on", he secretly finds and lurks on your blog, playing a game for his own amusement by leaving obscure comments and waiting for you to catch on -- instead of just emailing to say "Hi, how are you, what's new?" like a civilized person
- cheap; won't pay for things, ever (not that he should ALWAYS pay, but never paying means he's cheap with his money, and probably his affection, too. Which leads me to the next one:)
- is only affectionate when he's got a "get-you-into-bed" agenda; otherwise, you could go weeks without him even holding your hand
- is a loser who tries to hand you over to his loser of a brother, who already has a girlfriend but is looking for some action on the side
- tells you he'll see you before he has to leave the country because of his job transfer, but then disappears without another word
- doesn't really see you as an equal, a partner, on his level. Either he acts superior to you, talks down to you, and/or he only wants you as "window dressing" to make him look good but doesn't like it if you have a mind of your own; OR he is looking for a mommy to take care of him -- a boy disguised as a man
- doesn't seem to see into you at all; is not interested in the person you are as a human being.
After only a week of having My Parisian in my life, I now remember that THIS is what it looks like when a man is really, really into you:
- He remembers things you have mentioned in conversation, even the things that aren't so important.
- He notices how you drink your coffee.
- He can't take his eyes off you.
- He can't stop holding your hand across the dinner table (except to take a bite of food once in a while).
- He can't wait to see you, you can't wait to see him, and neither of you is getting any work done.
- He sighs when he looks into your eyes for long, lingering moments. It makes you sigh back when you look into his.
- He asks you questions about yourself, and is interested in the answers.
- He values your mind and your spirit as well as your body. The attraction is on all levels.
- He encourages you to speak his language and teaches you more about it, but is brave enough to speak yours, too.
- He tells you, often, the things he likes about you already, and how you make him feel, with complete ease and naturalness. No idle flattery. When he tells you he thinks you are beautiful, you know he is sincere.
- He accepts your imperfections, tells you not to change a thing about yourself. And means it.
- When he looks at you sometimes, his look says that he feels like he just won the lottery.
- He is open with information about himself, personal things. There is no sense of him being deliberately secretive or evasive. You do not feel like you need to become a professional spelunker to get to know the Real Him.
- The two of you can talk about, or reveal, things that often take other couples weeks or months to talk about. And it feels OK to do this, even though it is very soon and who knows where it is going.
- When it is raining after dinner, he gives you his chapeau to wear (and tells you how lovely you look in it) and holds the umbrella over you so you won't get as wet.
- He holds the door open for you and lets you get into the taxi first, even when it is pouring rain.
- He sends you IMs and SMSs many times daily to let you know he is thinking about you. When he is "away" from his computer, he changes his "away" message to something personal, just for you, something only you will know.
- He thanks you for things. Like just being with him.
- He reads your blog, loves it, supports it, encourages it, and even joins in and comments. And after reading the first blog entry you wrote about him, he tells you "Tu es merveilleuse".
Ladies... trust me: don't settle for less. "Into You" is SO much better.