Just when I thought dating in Paris couldn't get any more bizarre

Well, now. I do not know what to think. I am sitting here, stunned, even an hour later. Even after texting some of my Parisian girlfriends, and phoning my best friend back home to say "What the HELL?"

I just received a phone call from someone I do not know. A man. A FRENCH man, to be exact. And to be even more precise, he is the BROTHER of the clueless gardener I dated a few times over the summer!

The gardener who, while friendly and seeming to be interested initially, never made a single romantic overture, never paid for anything and who never got in touch with me again after our last walk at the Parc St. Cloud (which I was relieved about because it saved me from having to turn him down if he asked me out a fourth time). It seemed we had both written each other off, no harm done, yada yada. His lack of real interest was abundantly clear to me, and it was mutual on my part after spending more time with him.

So my cell phone rings an hour ago, and I see an unfamiliar "06" number (French cell phone numbers all start with "06"). I expect it to be one of my friends or acquaintances here in Paris. Instead, it's a male voice. He immediately introduces himself with his full name, and says that perhaps his brother has told me he would be calling me?

Beh... non.

I did know that Gardener Guy had an older brother. I found this out on our last date, and also found out that he is 38, single, and is apparently an unemployed painter. (Dear Universe: Did you NOT get my last memo in which I clearly specified that all men who want to date me MUST be gainfully employed and able to support themselves without sponging off the System? Someone is asleep at the switch!) In fact, I got the distinct impression from the Gardener that even HE was not very impressed with his big brother's lifestyle choices; I asked what his brother did for work, and he said "He does not work. He is an artist", and there was a hint of condemnation in his voice. I don't believe I acted impressed either.

So what made Gardener think Starving Artist and I would be a match?

Artist Brother proceeds, in halting English (which he apologized for -- I do the same here, always apologizing for my bad French), to explain that his brother had said some very nice things about me, that I was a writer and very nice, had a very happy personality, etc. etc. He thought he would like to meet me; he likes talking to Americans and he has a friend in Phoenix... I just basically let him keep talking because I was a writer who had temporarily forgotten how to form complete sentences.

As he continues on with explaining himself, pausing every so often to acknowledge that perhaps I will find this strange, or rude, or unusual, and to say that he would very much like to MEET ME, I am struggling not to laugh out loud at the utter craziness of this entire conversation. Five minutes earlier I was sitting here, minding my own business, working my way through my DVDs of Ally McBeal. We'll talk about why I identify with that character another day, but for now suffice to say I was watching the end of Season 4 in which the love of Ally's life has left in a very painful breakup, and I was thinking how much I would really love to have someone special in MY life... when the phone rings, and it's a MAN on the other end.

Normally, I might take that as a "sign". Only this guy is unemployed. And got my number from his little brother. Does this make me a "hand-me-down" (or perhaps a "hand-me-up", since I'm being passed from younger brother to older) date? Should I tell him I think his brother had some nerve giving out my phone number without even warning me, let alone asking me? Should I lie, and tell him I'm seeing someone? Should I be flattered, or insulted?

I am thinking all these things as he continues talking. I, of course, am saying very little, but at one point I did laugh out loud as he rambled on (seriously -- how do these Frenchies do it? How can they be so charming even in the midst of the most awkward circumstances?), which I think he took to be a positive sign that I was not about to tell him where to stick it. He asked me more about the kind of writing I do, as he seemed to know I am a freelancer. So I did explain a bit about the ghostwriting and he knew what that was.

He tried reverting to French for a few moments until I had to stop him because I couldn't keep up (same problem I always had with his brother), and I told him that perhaps his brother had forgotten to mention that my French is not very good. Then he reiterated (in English) that he would like very much to meet me, if I would not think that too strange given the circumstances, and he'd be happy to offer me HIS phone number in the interest of keeping things "equal" (I think he meant to say "fair", but I got it).

I finally tell him that, No, his brother did NOT tell me he'd be calling, and that I'm just really surprised and I really don't know what to say. I did not think it was rude (he wasn't being rude, he was as polite in his speech as his younger brother) for him to call but I am just caught unawares. I explained that I am going out of town at the end of the week to visit my very frail grandmother and I won't be back until October 1st.

Then, I surprised myself... by telling him he could call me after the 1st if he wanted to. I was honest and said that I really don't know how I feel about this and I wanted time to think it over, the idea of maybe meeting him, because I don't know him at all and this was very out-of-the-blue. But I said he could call me in a few weeks and then I'd see how I felt then. I declined to take his phone number right now; if he's interested, let him make the effort.

He said that was OK with him, and he was very nice in wishing me a safe journey, and he even said something about understanding if my grandmother is ill that this may not be a very happy time (I'm paraphrasing). Then he babbled something about "don't take this the wrong way but God Bless You, and I mean that like in Star Wars when they say 'May the Force be with you'". And I had to giggle at that as well.

Have you EVER in your life heard anything so strange? And the strangest thing of all is, I might actually agree to meet him, out of total curiosity (if not out of total boredom with my love life). I have never gone on a date with anyone (in either country) where after seeing me a couple of times, the guy thought, "Well, I'm not too keen on her, but hey, maybe my brother might like her!" I suppose this is a compliment of sorts; the Gardener thought I was not his type but good enough to date his brother?

On the other hand... there was no physical, romantic contact between me and the gardener at all, so it's not like he "got lucky" and now the artist brother thinks he might get lucky, too. I'm not being "passed around". So I know it's not about THAT. And at least, if I DID date the Artist, there wouldn't be any emotional baggage with his brother. Yet, I am trying to picture how on earth this conversation between the two brothers must have come about in order for the Artist to pick up the phone and take a chance on calling a woman he didn't know. Did the Gardener think of the idea, and say, "You know, I met this nice American girl a few weeks ago, and I wasn't that interested, but she really seemed nice, and kind of cute even though she always picks the wrong shoes, and she's a writer and you're an artist..."

I just don't know. I will defer deciding about this until I come back in two weeks. After all, he might not bother calling anyway -- lord knows his brother wasn't that consistent with contacting me, and maybe it runs in the family. I figure if nothing else, it will make great fodder for the blog and my book. Still, I must admit... I am intrigued. First of all, I am often attracted to creative types: artists, musicians, actors. Second of all... the charm was OOZING off this guy and at the same time I could detect a note of sincerity. It may warrant an exploratory espresso, minimally. After all, I'm not seeing anyone else, and it's just good to get one's self "out there" now and again. (I only hope I will not need to use the new French slang I picked up this week: poser un lapin, which means "to get stood up".)

But unless he was top of his class at the Sorbonne and is looking for a day job as a curator at a gallery while still practicing his own art, or he turns out to be the next great French artist (he works in some kind of medium involving plastique, is what I think he said), someone who can be successful at his art while he's still ALIVE (and we know how rare THAT can be)... I will be royally pissed off at the Universe if I meet him... and actually LIKE him. Because it might make me shallow but I really don't see myself with a guy who is even more financially challenged than I am, given the erratic nature of freelancing; couples break up over money problems even more often than for infidelity, and this is not a relationship stressor I want in my life. I don't need, want or expect a man to foot all the bills, or that he has to be a millionaire (though I sure wouldn't turn down a guy with money, either, provided he had the other things I'm looking for, like character, affection, and common decency) but he should be financially stable enough to not wonder where his next rent check is coming from. I have enough of that in my own life already. I have told the Universe this, time and time again, as well as telling it all the other things I am looking for in a partner.

It would be nice if for once, the Universe would take the hint.