I haven't been able to post anything for Sunday Scribblings in the past few weeks because, well, YOU know why.
But when I got a glimpse of this week's writing prompt "I don't want to be a passenger in my own life", it was just too spot on for me to skip.
Because for the first time in a LONG time, I feel I am no longer a passenger in my own life. In fact, it was the NOT wanting to be THAT, that pushed me to make this move to Paris.
I didn't want to be one of those people who had a dream but never did anything about it and then lived to regret it forever.
I didn't want to be someone who let her fears stop her from fully living her life.
I didn't want to be a woman who bowed to societal or family expectations to do the traditional thing, even though on some level I've always know I'm just not a traditionalist.
I didn't want to be someone who let other people's expectations, wishes, or demands prevent me from living my life, my way.
I wanted to be the driver in my life. I wanted to steer the bus. Not in a control-freak, can't let others have any say, need to call all the shots kind of way, but in a way where I felt in control of my SELF rather than others.
I've been in Paris for exactly three days now. Three days since I got the hell out of the damned passenger's seat and got behind the wheel of my own life again. I still have jetlag. I still don't know how to say half of what I really want to say. I still don't have one freaking clue what is ahead for me.
This might sound like I'm totally OUT of control, but in fact it's the total opposite. There's a difference between being out of control of your life, and allowing yourself the freedom to just see what shows up and to live life more in the moment.
In reality, by making the decision to move to Paris -- and then by acting on that decision -- I am more in control of my life now than I think I have ever been.
I'm walkin' on sunshine. And don't it feel GOOD!