On our way to the Apple store via the #68 bus this afternoon, I was unfortunate enough to overhear a rather loud and obnoxious American couple talking to each other. It wasn't just their tone and volume that got under my skin... it was what they were saying that put me over the edge.
They complained to each other, non-stop, about how rude the French were. How whenever the French have been in trouble and needed help, America has had to bail them out (and how no one in France "remembers" or "appreciates" - something I personally know to be untrue, having had the good fortune to meet some surviving D-Day Veterans and heard THEIR stories of how much appreciation they have received from the French over the years). How some French people have had the nerve to be offended whenever SHE told them America was the greatest country in the world. And on, and on, and on. Every single stereotype of the "ugly Americans", these people were. They just kept on talking in this way, either oblivious to the fact that they were IN France, riding a FRENCH bus, surrounded by the very FRENCH people they were denigrating at the top of their nasty, complaining voices that just oozed superiority -- or they just didn't care that they were offending everyone within the sound of their voices.
Including THIS American. I was offended. I was offended as someone who knows that France isn't perfect, nor are the French people, but that there is still a lot of good in both the people and their country. I was offended as the wife and step-mom of French people. And I was offended as an American, because it's Americans like this who give the rest of us such a bad reputation outside our own borders. I got angrier and angrier (Georges tends to be calm during these sorts of things because he really doesn't care about the opinion of people like that, and because he does value the fact that Free Speech is a right in France). I kept warning him: "I think I need to say something to these people. I really think I need to say something." Since he did not object, I finally got up out of my seat.
I turned to this couple, and said, "Excuse me, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. I am also an American. And I have to say, I find what you are saying and your attitudes EXTREMELY offensive. I live here, I am married to a French man (gesturing towards my husband), and NOTHING you are saying is at all true in my experience. I find the French people to be very decent, hard-working, good people. They do NOT hate Americans and all things American - far from it. Do you realize or even care that you are sitting here surrounded by French people, being completely rude yourselves? That you are in THEIR country?"
They didn't bat an eyelash. They didn't seem at all embarrassed to be caught out. Quite the contrary... Mrs. Ugly American proceeded to do all the talking while she informed me she was entitled to her opinion (I did not disagree about that) and that HER opinion was "ASBOLUTELY TRUE!" to which I replied that it was not true in MY experience. I even went so far as to say, "If you feel that way about France and the French, maybe you shouldn't bother staying and perhaps you shouldn't come back in the future."
She then went on to say that she was there spending her good American dollars in France (the clear implication being that the French should be damn grateful she WAS spending her money here), and that therefore she had "paid" for the right to say whatever she wants. (I guess that's an example of that sense of "entitlement" of which we Americans are so often accused.) I looked at her in surprise and said, "Well, THAT'S a very interesting attitude." Because really, what can you say to someone who thinks like that? Later, after we got off the bus, Georges also remarked on that particular comment and said he also found that to be a very interesting way of looking at it - that just because you spend your money to go to another country as a tourist, that automatically BUYS you the right to tear down that country and its people, and to walk around as if you own the world? WTF?
Of course, in my opinion (since, yes, we ARE all entitled to our opinions) it IS Americans like these that DO give the rest of the world the idea that we think we own that world. If there is one consistent negative stereotype about Americans that I have heard from a variety of Europeans since coming to live in this part of the world, it is this idea that "Americans think they own the world". Whether this perception is based on our sometimes unpopular government policies in the past few decades, or based on American tourists who act much like THESE two did, I'm not sure. I do think it's fair to say that sometimes -- let's admit it -- Americans can get a bit cocky with our idea that "there is no better country in the world", and while we're entitled to feel proud of our American ways, I don't think it exactly endears us to the people of other nations who have their own feelings of pride about their countries and ways of living. Especially when we are visitors in THEIR countries. It's not like they ASKED us to come; we just showed up, passports in hand, waving our greenbacks and cameras around. No matter how many American dollars we may be spending in another country while on vacation and even if we do happen to encounter some less-than-perfect locals or circumstances in that country, I think we ought to at least be respectful, and keep the grumbling and sense of entitlement a bit more low-key.
I know that most Americans, when they travel, don't think like the Ugly couple and they certainly don't act like them, even if on occasion they might feel the need to complain about aspects of another country they don't like (I myself have been known to complain about the dog poop on the sidewalks here and those damned Turkish toilets, as you well know). I mean, travel is supposed to broaden your perspective, but that doesn't mean you're necessarily going to like everything about another country or culture, and it's perfectly fine to come away from a travel experience feeling like "There's no place like home". I'm OK with THAT. I sometimes feel that way myself, when I go back to New Jersey and the many conveniences that really don't exist here in France.
I am NOT okay, however, with tourists going into France or any country, and tearing it down in so blatant and disrespectful a manner as did this couple. That would be like going into someone's home and telling them you hate the decor and that their kids are horrible. I tried to point this out to Mrs. Ugly when I said, "Well, what would YOU think if some French people came to America and did nothing but complain about our country and our ways? Wouldn't you think THAT was rude? You'd tell them to get out and go home!"
Nothing. NO reaction. She wasn't budging. She just continued to smirk at me. She was convinced she was RIGHT, and she was ENTITLED (because hey, she'd PAID to be there!) and that's all there was to it. I wanted to tell her that if, in fact, some French DO "hate Americans", it is HER type (or their type, because Mr. Ugly was just as bad as his cold, superior wife) of American they dislike. American tourists like these are precisely the reason the term "ugly American" exists. They are the ones who act so superior about being American, and who are so over-the-top about that sense of superiority that they cannot for one moment imagine that any other country, any other people or culture, have anything positive to offer or contribute to the world that is better than anything America has to offer, or that other people are just as proud of THEIR country and nationality as Americans are. National pride is one thing. Feeling the need to shove it in everyone else's face, to shout it from every rooftop (or bus seat) is quite another. It is THAT kind of American that makes me absolutely cringe whenever I happen to cross paths with one. It's the ONLY time, while living here in France, that I actually feel embarrassed to be an American. (Well, at least since Bush left office.)
Luckily, these occurrences have been rare, and when they happen I normally don't bother speaking up because I realize there really is no point. Today, though, I just couldn't let it pass. I knew before I opened my mouth that I would get nowhere, that they wouldn't change how they felt, although I was hoping that minimally, they would have the good grace to look just a tiny bit ashamed about their public behavior - which clearly they were not. I am sure they will continue to now complain to each other and all their friends back home about me confronting them on that bus, and add me to the list of things they find wrong with France, under the heading of "Americans who must hate America and that's why they live in places like France, and good riddance to them!" They are mostly likely the types who could never understand how someone like me could love my own country (which I do), yet still be interested in living anywhere else. And for my part, I cannot for the life of me comprehend people who take the time and money to travel abroad, but clearly have no ability to open their minds and hearts to the possibility that ALL cultures have something of value to offer. I guess all they want is to see those famous monuments and churches and museums... without having the bother or annoyance of actually interacting with the locals. And then they want to go back home and talk about how it was okay and interesting "over there" in its way, but how much BETTER it is in America. Perhaps people like this travel to increase their need to feel culturally superior? I don't know, but I suppose it could be possible.
At one point, she gave me a snide smile and said, "How do you know *I* don't live here?" and I said something to the effect of, "Well, I guess I don't know that, but you obviously don't like it here". That was pretty much the end of the conversation because it was going nowhere, and I turned away, disgusted, and waited for our stop. Although I MAY have loudly "mumbled" something to Georges, as we exited the bus, about obnoxious French-hating tourists. But don't quote me on that.
So here's my final rant on the Ugly Americans - both in general and these two in particular. If they do come to France and end up having negative experiences of the French, I believe it is become they come here with their preconceived notions already firmly embedded in their brains; they don't come with open minds and hearts. And since we tend to attract what we believe to be true, it only makes sense that someone like that might find every French waiter or shop girl to be rude, every French person ungrateful to America, and so on. They are already convinced they are right, so they attract experiences that PROVE (to themselves) they are right. Which explains how I would naturally have a vastly different experience: I came into France knowing there are cultural differences but making an effort not to judge them, and taking the time to understand them and to see them as ONLY "differences" (as in "it's not right, it's not wrong, it's JUST DIFFERENT"). Although falling in love with a Frenchman was a bit of a surprise to me (as I did have some negative ideas about getting involved with French men), in general I was prepared to see the French as being people I would like to meet and get to know, rather than as people who would automatically hate me on sight just for being American. I've NEVER assumed the French hate Americans. As a result, I have never once had anyone be even the tiniest bit rude to me because I'm American; and if I have had someone be rude, unhelpful or unkind, it's been clear to me that those people are that way to EVERYONE - even other French people. My experiences have been overwhelmingly positive here because I expected them to be positive. Mr. and Mrs. Ugly American, on the other hand, clearly came here to look at churches and museums and monuments but also came prepared to hate the French because they believe the French hate (or at least don't appreciate) us. You get what you focus on, period.
It still felt damn fucking great to speak up, though.
